Hello readers! Today's post is from Sarah Jones, the author of IntrovertedAlpha.com. Sarah is a dating coach who focuses on helping people find a partner naturally, with no sneaky tricks or manipulation. She's got some good thoughts about uncovering and expressing your positive qualities, so read on!
Sarah Jones, IntrovertedAlpha.com
I am about to share a game-changer with you, so read slowly and with intention: You do not have to change who you are to be well-liked. Let me say that again.
You do not have to change who you are to be well-liked.
In fact, you couldn’t even if you tried, because guess what? You are who you are.
Fortunately, you are already awesome. You just don’t fully know it yet. And if you don’t know it, how can anyone else?
The problem is not that you aren’t interesting enough, physically attractive enough, witty or charismatic enough. The problem is you are literally sitting on a mountain of gold and you’ve not mined it yet.
How is the gold supposed to shine if it is still unpolished, much less unearthed?
I am going to teach you how to unearth and polish that gold of yours right now. It has been hiding underground too long. Let’s do it:
Unearthing and Polishing Your Gold: Your Uniquely Attractive Vibe
To unearth your vibe, we first have to identify what a vibe is.
Simply put, your vibe is how you feel and how you feel to others.
It’s the way in which you show up and are experienced in the world. You, my friend, are an actual experience that other people have... Wild, right?
What that experience feels like on the whole is the vibe you’re giving off. Right now, you may only be giving off a tiny fraction of your potential attractiveness.
For you to unearth your vibe’s true potential, you want to ask yourself, “What are the best things that other people already see in me?”
Once you have identified that, you can align yourself more with those uniquely wonderful qualities of yours and less with anything you don’t like to be identified with (I’ll show you exactly how in a moment).
It really is about self-perception. If there’s a part of you that is shy, and you’ve gotten some feedback from others that they experience you as shy, and then you take on that perception and wear it 24/7… you’re going to be perceived as shy more and more.
It’s simple really. There are a million facets to you, and the facet that you focus on is the facet you are bringing forward to the light, so naturally it is the facet others see.
All you have to do is to focus on those facets of yourself that are appealing and attractive. When you bring these unique and appealing parts to light and polish them by using them more and more, you become an intoxicatingly attractive person.
To get a head start on unearthing your uniquely attractive vibe, walk through my Golden Compliments Activator below (I have tons more like this one on my blog. Check it out after we’re done here):
Golden Compliments Activator:
Step One: Call to mind the three most beautiful compliments you’ve ever gotten.
They can be from anyone. Choose compliments that are pretty different from each other. Take a moment to do this right now, and write all three of them down, who said what to you. I’ll wait right here. Go ahead now, and go to Step Two only after you’re done.
Step Two: Savor those gorgeous things!
Take a moment to remember how each person felt when they said it. Remember the look in their eyes, and understand this:
At the moments when they gave you those compliments, they were having an experience of you as uniquely you. They were seeing a nugget of gold in you and holding it up so you could see.
Step Three: Ask yourself, “What do these compliments say about me?”
Take your compliments one by one, and write down next to each the word or short phrase that encapsulates that compliment.
This word or phrase points to what the compliment says about you as a person, what your special vibe is. The truth is that with sincere compliments like that, the compliment-givers had such wonderful experiences of you, that they were compelled to give you these compliments.
An example would be, “My nephew says that I’m a lot of fun to hang out with, and his eyes were bright and happy when he told me that. Okay, so what does that mean about me? That must mean that I’m fun!” Exactly.
Important Caveat: Do not discount a compliment because of who the compliment-giver is, “Oh, but he’s just a kid. Oh, but that’s my mom. Oh, but this.”
Stop that nonsense! The children, moms, and friends are the people best able to see the real you…. They can see you clearly even when much of your vibe is yet unearthed. So listen to them; they know.
As you come more into your own, you will hear these compliments a lot more from a lot more people, which leads us to Step Four.
Step Four: Embody the truths in those compliments as often as possible.
The next time you are around other people, recall your three compliments: “Oh yes, so-and-so said I was playful and creative. Okay, how can I incorporate more of that part of myself right here right now?”
Make it a fun game! You don’t have to be perfect at this. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress. I always say that personal development should be pleasant and gentle (which makes my clients very happy).
It is simply the most effective way to develop because when it’s pleasant, there is no resistance, only flow. When you’re flowing, every single interaction with another human being is an opportunity to be more of who you really are.
Every time someone else has an experience of you, you have an opportunity to make that experience awesome for them by bringing your best gifts to light. Who doesn’t want that?
There is so much uniquely beautiful gold inside you, and it is a pleasure for others to experience.
By the way, this is happily what I get to talk about all day every day. Specifically, I help smart introverted men attract women naturally.
If you’re curious to learn more, visit me at IntrovertedAlpha.com and subscribe for email updates. You are awesome, and I’m here to make sure you are experienced that way, fully and consistently.