Conversation

About a year ago, I started taking improv threater classes. Improv theater, for those who have never experienced it, is theater that is completely unscripted and 100% unrehearsed. You go on stage and make a scene out of nothing. No preparation, no planning with your partner ahead of time. You just go out and do it.

A picture of me and a friend doing improv. Improv takes a lot of balls.

Improv seems like it would be a train wreck. But in general, it works. And even when it fails, it usually fails in a hilarious way.

Improv scenes are rarely dull, often hilarious and sometimes even poignant. Rich, believable characters and engaging plots are created out of nothing, and the audience and performers alike have a great time.

After the show is over, the audience is left thinking “How did they pull that off?” That’s part of the appeal of improv. Like a magic show, part of the fun of improv is leaving the audience wondering.

Unfortunately, conversation can seem a lot like improv. Nobody ever hands you a script for a conversation. You’re just expected to go out and do it. But with infinite options for what to talk about, how do you know what to say?

How do you pick a topic that will interest your partner (especially if you don’t know them well?) How do you create a smooth, natural flow so the conversation doesn’t feel awkward or forced?

It can seem easier to just stay out of conversation altogether. But while it’s fun to be in an improv audience, it’s a real bummer to always be a silent spectator in conversations.

Fortunately, in both conversation and improv, there are bedrock principles that will guide you to success. Any good improv class will teach you those principles, but most advice on making conversation does not. Usually, if you go looking for help to improve your conversation, you’ll find tips like “Look your partner in the eye” or “Think of conversation topics ahead of time.”

There’s nothing wrong with most of this advice, but it’s advice, not a guide. It might be useful, but it doesn’t give you a comprehensive understanding of how to have great conversation.

It’s frustrating to invest a lot of time memorizing tips, and then realize that you still have no idea how to actually make conversation work.

You don’t need to be frustrated anymore.

Improve Your Social Skills is not another grab bag of tips. It is a practical, comprehensive, step-by-step guide to social success. You are about to learn the bedrock principles that will guide you to smooth, comfortable conversation in every interaction you have.

Conversation contains five lessons.

What makes some conversations flow smoothly, and others sputter or feel awkward? In this section, I explain the principles of “Invitation” and “Inspiration” and how these two principles work together to create smooth, comfortable conversation.

Invitations help to add structure to a conversation by clearly communicating to your partner when it’s their turn to speak and giving them a topic to speak about. In this section, I discuss invitations in depth and teach you how to use them in your conversations. In addition, since most invitations are questions, I explain how to ask good questions and show how you can build rapport with others using questions.

It’s possible to build a conversation out of nothing but invitations, but there’s a better way. Through something I call an “inspiration”, you help build conversation that feels more natural and that encourages more sharing and intimacy between you and your partner. This section explains what inspirations are and how they work

Once you understand what inspirations are and what they can do for you, you’ll be eager to apply them in your everyday conversation. This section gives you the practical, step-by-step guidance you need to do just that

After you’ve learned about invitation and inspiration separately, it’s time to discover how they can work together. This section explains how you can use invitation and inspiration in harmony with each other and equips you to use them in real-world conversations.

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