Manipulation vs True Intimacy
So, a word on what I’m trying to accomplish here (and what I’m not).
My goal here is to help you have deep, fulfilling, authentic relationships by giving you a solid foundation in social skills. I’m not trying to teach you everything there is to know about social skills, or make you into some kind of social superhero. I just want you to have the skills you need to build great relationships.
Thing is, those skills can be used for bad ends. Martin Luther King Jr was a great orator but so was Hitler. The thought of using social skills to deceive others or to manipulate people into giving you what you want can be very seductive.
And there are lot of social skills “gurus” out there who teach a message of manipulation and deceit. They claim to teach social skills that you can use to gain power and influence, or convince others to do what you want, or seduce women.
These manipulation-based social skills have a lot of practical problems (most of the techniques don’t work, or only work in a few limited instances). What’s more, they’re just plain wrong.
I believe that most people reading this guide are as committed as I am to building relationships on a foundation of trust and respect, not manipulation and deceit. If that’s you, then you can safely ignore this section.
But for those who those who are tempted by thoughts of manipulation, a word of warning.
The Danger Of Manipulation
True fulfilling relationships are ALWAYS built on mutual trust and respect. If you manipulate someone, you are disrespecting them, and will destroy their trust in you as soon as they find out. You might be able to get what you want in the short term by using manipulation and deceit, but in the long term you will always be found out.
You will never get the true intimacy you’re seeking with deceit.
So if you’re looking to learn how to influence people to do what you want, or to seduce women, or to create a false impression of who you are to fool others, my program has nothing to offer you.
But here’s the thing. You don’t need deceit or manipulation. Improve Your Social Skills is based on the philosophy that you don’t need to change who you are to be liked or accepted. I believe that if you let people get to really know you, incredible friendships are going to happen. You don’t have to twist someone’s arm or fool them about who you are. You just need to give them the chance to really know you.
It’s true that when you don’t have good social skills, it’s hard to have the interactions that allow others to get to know you. But social skills can be learned (that’s what this guide is for!). And when you are no longer held back by a lack of social skills, your true self will shine through.
That’s worth working towards. Don’t give up, and don’t settle.